Yana Borodina – July 18-23, 2023
7/23
Today, I found out that a close relative of mine ended up in a very dangerous situation. I can’t reveal who they are or where they are, but there is a lot of pain and worry for your loved ones, family, and friends who are in such danger. Last night, those inhumane people struck Odessa with tremendous force, hitting the city center and even damaging the UNESCO cathedral. Of course, in their news, they blame us and try to manipulate with propaganda, but who in their right mind could believe that? Where is humanity, where is compassion? I don’t want to blame anyone; I’m grateful for the support of the world, but how long can this go on? How many lives will it take and how much sorrow will this war bring? War is truly the most dreadful event, one that degrades human dignity and turns people into something less than human, especially those who attack cruelly and without restraint. They see an enemy in the very person they are themselves. On the other hand, those who defend their land are angels! They are heroes. It’s difficult not to lose your mind in this madness when you have to go to work, film, go to the movies, or attend a party while your country is suffering kilometers away, covered in pain and bound by sorrow. Can one find joy in such circumstances? Can I be happy when my country is immersed in pain and sadness? Besides, this kind of joy, when you have no background of war, is different – it’s carefree. But can people in Ukraine be joyful now? This kind of joy feels more like a coping mechanism, where you simply have to do it to survive.
Today, we filmed a collaboration of yoga costumes with our Scorpyoga community, and it was fantastic. It truly is my island of peace and understanding, a community that allows you to be yourself without pretense. You know, diary, I think the most precious thing another person can give you is the freedom to be yourself. Namaste!
Image courtesy: Yana Borodina
7/22
My day started with yoga at the Window, a bar where I do morning yoga. There was heavy rain, and although we practiced under a shelter, some of us still got wet. It felt amazing to experience the fresh summer air and the sound of rain during shavasana. Afterward, I had breakfast and another workout. Lately, I’ve been thinking about men and how different we can be. There are very few men around me who I find interesting, and honestly, whenever I go somewhere, I rarely meet someone. Finding someone who fits me seems to be a difficult task, but I still believe it’s possible. For now, though, I’m deeply immersed in my yoga practice, so relationships aren’t my priority. I envision having a relationship only with my future partner. Otherwise, I’m not interested in casual encounters, meeting up, or engaging in just physical intimacy. I’m a bit different in that regard. If I’m not genuinely interested, it feels like a failure, and I rarely find that connection with someone.
Today’s rain brought me great joy. I simply adore rain; its melancholic weather resonates with my inner self. In the evening, we had a dinner with the Scorpio community at Masha’s place. We cooked lasagna and tiramisu together, smoked hashish, and played board games. I’m delighted to have so many like-minded people around me, people who are easy-going like me. I’m glad that my yoga community feels special and like a family. The games we played were created by Yulia, another member of our community, and they involved psychological questions. Sometimes they were too deep or intimate, but we could play them because we trust each other.
I truly feel a sense of relief right now. This path seems more aligned with me, where I can make choices and do whatever I want. During the five years I was in a relationship, I couldn’t allow myself that freedom. I’m confident that everything is unfolding as it should, regardless of any pain or the feeling that it’s the end of the world. On the contrary, now I’ll try to see everything as a beginning rather than an end. After all, that’s what it is.
Despite the fact that this war destroyed everything in our relationship, it may also mean that it just exposed long-standing issues and that there is no solid foundation for it. Whatever happens, I thank life for everything it brings. And I thank the guys and girls from the Armed Forces of Ukraine, who give us the opportunity to live.
Image courtesy: Yana Borodina
7/21
I woke up very early in the morning because something was keeping me from sleeping, and then someone started knocking on the apartment door at 6 am, and I realized it was my neighbor! We laughed a lot because she forgot to warn me that she would come early in the morning, and I had just locked the front door, so she wouldn’t have been able to get in if I hadn’t woken up. But she said she kept thinking about me not sleeping, and judging from everything, it worked. Sonia and I have a long and cosmic connection with sleep; maybe it’s because of this connection that I don’t dismiss the possibility of reincarnation and past lives. It feels like we’ve met before somewhere.
Today is Masha’s birthday, she’s my friend, and we also work together. We created the brand Scorpyoga, and we enjoy working together. There was a lot of preparation and excitement before her birthday, but Daryna and I helped Masha, and the picnic turned out great. We gathered in the park, there were many people, it was fun and very enjoyable. I haven’t spent time with friends like this in a long time. However, with the start of the full-scale invasion, my mind just couldn’t give itself the chance to laugh, have a drink, and truly enjoy. War is horrible; it’s like spiritual chains that restrict what you can and cannot do, what you’re not allowed to do, but still must.
What allowed me to relax and not think about the war? To just not read anything about it. Should I feel ashamed of this?
Later, the park closed where we were, and we had to move to Masha’s friends’ house. Just imagine, youth without the opportunity for summer strolls, how cruel is that?
We danced inside the house to the music played by Ilya, Masha’s boyfriend. They are a great couple and I like them as people!
And my evening was like that of any drunk person who has to get up early for training—I went to bed immediately.
Here will be photos from Mashas Birthday.
Image courtesy: Yana Borodina
7/20
Today I am especially happy because it’s my dog’s birthday! Akira turned 1 year old. She has become something special to me, but at first, it wasn’t like that. She came into my life during a very difficult period of breaking up with my boyfriend with whom I lived for 5 years, and we had a dog of the same breed, whom I raised. It was hard for me to love Akira because I unconsciously kept comparing her to Baikal, that was the name of the previous dog. But later, I set a resolution to love her as Akira, for her qualities and love for me, for her character and manners. I am very grateful to her because she heals my soul every day; after all, animals are not just on this planet without a reason, they are our teachers. Of course, within the animal world, there are also conflicts, hierarchies, and killings, but I think that they don’t have money and the monetization of everything you see, and that’s what makes them so pure and genuinely more meaningful than humanity. In general, unfortunately, when I hear the word “cat,” it evokes pleasant feelings in me, but when I think about the meaning of the word “human,” it doesn’t warm my heart; it’s a pity that I am a human.
Akira received treats and toys as presents, and she was so joyful, showing everyone her toys, all in an uplifted state, as if she understood it was her birthday. It was very adorable!
In the evening, my friend Masha came over; her birthday is tomorrow. She came, and we sat on the balcony, sipped prosecco, laughed, and dreamed… It’s a shame that adult life deprives you of such simple things as dreaming. I’ll never let go of my inner child, no matter what anyone says.
As soon as Masha left, as it was the beginning of the curfew, the air raid siren started. I hate Russia.
Here will be Akira’s birthday Photo!
Image courtesy: Yana Borodina
7/19
Every day, and especially today, I read horrifying news about the actions of the occupiers in southern Ukraine, where I come from. My city, Mykolaiv, was heavily bombed today, and the bombs hit the city center where ordinary, peaceful people live. Due to the grain situation and the temporary ban on grain exports from Ukraine, the Russians are exploiting this corridor and acting ruthlessly. It scares me and makes me ashamed to live in a world where the right to life is no longer so clear, where the right to life is fought for with the lives of young and brave soldiers. But despite all this, I’m living another day of my life, where I have to continue working and, most importantly, practicing.
I take my bike and head to the park for a yoga session. I practice with a girl who is a military journalist and impresses me with her vibe and inner strength. It’s always interesting with her because we often talk about politics, and I appreciate people who understand it and have a voice. It seems to me that humanity should keep an eye on the actions of those they choose, if it’s really the people who choose. Because, as we can see, politics still affects the lives of everyone.
I’ve been invited to an exciting project in August to participate in a yoga class with dubstep music, which I also love. Today, I spoke with the organizers! Let’s see how it turns out. I’m attaching a drawing from today’s practice with Kate here! Thank you, diary, and see you soon.
Image courtesy: Yana Borodina
7/18
My morning started with pain in my finger as I somehow injured my toe’s finger, and the first thing I felt was a pulling sensation in it. Akira, my little dog, and I got ready and went for yoga. On the way, I read about the explosions in Odessa and Mykolaiv last night, which saddened me. Thoughts of war and people enduring terrible conditions for the sake of peace in Ukraine constantly weigh on me. It’s painful because I’m also from the Southern region.
Yoga was good; many people attended the class. Akira had a funny incident where she ate a twig and got sick during the session, but I consider it a typical dog thing. Right now, we are doing a challenge, attempting to do a Bakasana to Low Plank transition. I love giving and performing such sequences because they strengthen, balance, and relax you. I genuinely feel happy during yoga. I’m glad that after the class, we can have breakfast together, laugh, and enjoy good company.
Sometimes, I find it a bit difficult to connect with people, but in reality, I always feel like a black sheep, even during sessions with my psychologist. I’m too sincere, and that probably scares people away; my straightforwardness is seen as aggression. But I strive to surround myself with people who will appreciate me and my energy, understand me, and I won’t have to betray myself. Sometimes, I feel anxious, but I’m learning to cheer myself up and stay positive, even though I’m going through the most challenging moment in my life – a breakup with my boyfriend of five years. Today, I’ve already shed all my tears.
During the day, I rode my bike for errands; the weather was pleasant. Summer is almost over, but I don’t want to think about it. In the evening, during yoga, Akira ate a cushion, but I won’t throw it away; let her finish it. As I write this, I feel like I’m living a very lonely and uninteresting life, or the things that interest me are very sad and mundane. Physically, I feel great, in shape; I exercise a lot every day, and I also train on my own for myself. I like this trend, and I have the energy for it. By the way, my leg has become better at going behind my head, I feel progress, and I hope it will positively impact my Lotus pose too!
I regret not buying beer at the store for the evening, but I’ll enjoy a tasty joint. See you tomorrow, diary!
CLOSE DISTANCE 